"Alone, deep in thought at Ocean Beach."
Photo by Henry Lee (fotoeins)

Monday, May 22, 2017


Image result for image of loneliness

The causes of loneliness are many:

Death - of a loved one can decimate a person with loss, grief, and loneliness.  Depression often sets in which only acerbates the loneliness.

Aging - as we get older, we lose friends and relatives. Our circle of people we know and cherish gets smaller, and we can become isolated.

Divorce - many times one no longer can keep the same friends one had when they were married.  It can be a major lonely adjustment not having someone to come home too.

Not Fitting in - can often start in high school or earlier. From this time period, one can become accustomed to or expect others to reject them; setting oneself up for loneliness.

Social Media/Cell Phones -  relying on social media and texting for companionship is not only superficial, but can be damaging, and have long lasting negative affects.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Why Are We So Lonely?

The reasons are vast and can vary from divorce to growing older to society being more transient. I have moved from the Midwest to the West coast to pursue my dreams, ended up moving back to the Midwest and relocated to the East Coast to start anew again.  I have lost contact with my West coast friends and kept in touch with a few friends I made back in my home town.The friends I made in the city where I live on the East Coast have all moved away. The cost of living was too high for them here. The only reason why I am still here is because I have affordable housing.

 Brian Kim wrote on his blog - We Are So Many People Lonely These Days

"Life was very simple back in the day. You grew up and stayed in the same town, held the same job for many years, everyone was your neighbor, and everybody knew everybody else and helped one another out whenever they needed it. Loneliness wasn’t really an issue in rural towns because everybody was so close with one another because they were all that they had. Venturing outside of town was very rare."

We are not connected to our families like our parents were. We moved far away from our families to different cities, states, and countries for school, work, and love. Many of us marry and start families; often breaking that bind that held friendships togetherWe also work longer hours and our commutes are even longer..  Weekends can be spent running errands, grocery shopping, and doing laundry. Maybe have brunch or coffee with someone. I often planned to go out on a Saturday night, but by the time I got home, I often ended up sitting at home alone on a Saturday night watching a movie instead. 

" Even though you were surrounded by so many people, you still felt lonely in the sense that you didn’t have many people you could truly confide in. For most people, the only person they could truly confide in was their spouse.

The funny thing here is that everybody assumes and has the impression that everyone else has a huge number of great friends that they go out and party with every weekend, but that’s not really the case for the most part. Most people are very lonely. They are socially isolated despite the huge number of people that surround them. They crave true friendships"  Brian Kim

I have had difficulty making new friends, since the ones I had moved away. People seldom make eye contact any more; they are plugged into their head or cell phones, or texting someone, or in a rush to get to wherever they are going. The few times I have extended an invite to meet for a drink or meal, I was often disappointed. Now, I am reluctant to put myself out there.

Nevertheless, Kim suggests: Take the time to build and cultivate great friendships. Be a friend. Give them a hand when they need it. Take them out when they’re feeling down. Listen to them when they need someone to confide in. There’s nothing like having a true friend that you can count on. It’s one of the best things in life. Humans are social creatures. We were not meant to be isolated from one another. It’s bad for us, both mentally and physically if we are. Up to a certain point, you can blame the advancement of society and the media in general for the increase in social isolation. Up to a certain point you can blame technology for the increase in social isolation as well.

But it’s always up to you to do something about it. It’s always up to you to do something about your loneliness. It’s just a matter of realizing that a lot of people, and I mean a lot, are in your exact same position. They feel lonely and socially isolated and crave to make true friends and you have to realize that everybody could use new friends, even though it may seem like they don’t.  It’s just few are willing to make the effort, to break the ice, and to initiate things in order to solidify the friendship. Craft the life you want to live FIRST. Treat everyone you meet as you would a friend. Take the initiative. Be a true friend. And you’ll never find yourself lonely ever again.


 Video: The #1 Public Health Issue Doctors Aren't Talking About | Lissa Rankin | TEDxFargo

Sunday, February 5, 2017


Image result for person at home at computer

I practice a faith that's been long abandoned,
Ain't no altars on this long, lonely road.
Bob Dylan

Technology has allowed us to connect with each other globally through the Internet, cell phone, and social media.  Through Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter we share information, pictures, and the high points of our lives. It has also helped propel the recent protests and demonstrations; reminiscent of the Sixties and Seventies.

The downside of social media, although, we are seemingly connected, is  that we are isolated, and lonelier than ever. Social media connects us socially; but it is often superficial and a tool of escapism. Our nature as human beings is to belong and connect with one another. Nothing can replace that one on one interaction and intimacy that we need and crave.

Kat Ascharya wrote in her article "What Facebook is Doing to Your Brain is Kind of Shocking" said,

"I have plenty of friends on Facebook and Twitter and close relationships with family and loved ones, but the barrage of chats, likes and tweets don't do much to assuage that piercing, sharp sadness of loneliness. In fact, it makes me feel just a bit more forlorn."

We can make better choices by spending less time on social media and reaching out to people one on one. Technology has connected us in many positive ways, but it can also disconnect us socially, emotionally, psychologically, and mentally.

 You Tube Video- Social Media Obesity and Loneliness | Galya Westler | TEDxStanleyPark TedxTalks

Friday, September 16, 2016


I walk among throngs of people in Manhattan feeling absolutely - alone. My sunglasses hide my angst and loneliness under my chic exterior. I sit at my computer and play Scrabble and Backgammon for hours with the television droning in the background. My phone only rings when its a telemarketer or wrong number.

I watch my favorites movies over and over to escape the void in my life. I eat too much.  Meditation and yoga sometimes lessons the ache of my loneliness. You would think that I would just go to sleep, but for some reason I avoid it, until I have no choice, but to sleep. 

My minister mentioned several times in his sermons, that loneliness is now a global epidemic. I was surprised. 
I thought I was the only person feeling this empty and lost. I was intrigued with this notion that loneliness is a global epidemic. Not just me or a few Manhattanites; but millions of people across this planet are experiencing loneliness – extreme loneliness.

A loneliness that can not be described. A loneliness that we try to party, shop, fuck, eat, snort, smoke, and drink our way out of.  All of the money, smart phones, designer clothes, social media, luxury cars and toys, Likes, Followers, Instagram posts can not help us escape the inevitable loneliness; that now pervades our society and our souls. 

In a city full of seemingly chic, smart, ambitious, busy, connected people many of us are achingly lonely. We put on this facade that we are fine, maybe a little blue sometimes; but to verbally admit that we are lonely -  is just not cool.